Prologue
It’s strange to look back on my life and notice that not only have I changed my way of thinking and of living, but also people have changed how they react to me. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was arguing with the woman who is now my wife about how horrible it was that certain students received preferential treatment just because of their ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. To be honest that was only 25 years ago, but it seems like an entirely different life compared to who I see myself as now. Now I might have the same argument with someone else but I would take the opposite side.
I tend to give credit (or blame depending on how I feel) to my wife when people ask or when I myself reflect about my thinking these days. It was because of her that I began to see reality from a perspective of an immigrant to the United States. It was because of her that I began to learn and became proficient in Spanish. It was because of her that I began to question a lot of the beliefs that I used to hold. I guess that you could say that she is what changed me for the better or for the worse. There were a lot of other people that influenced changes that I went through during the past 25 years, most of which I’ve included in these pages, but the catalyst and the continued drive behind making me who I am today is definitely my wife. She was the one who woke me up, if you will, to realities that I had no way of ever seeing, let alone ever comprehending.
Maria was the one that got me to a point where I define terms in Spanish slightly different than most native speakers. For most Latinos, the term “gringo” refers primarily to any non-Latino from the US, even though it can refer to Europeans that don’t speak Spanish as well. It is usually used prejoratively. I like to give a slightly different twist to the term while keeping a similar meaning. To me, a “gringo” is the same as the normal definition, but on top of that, refuses to learn or comprehend another language. My father is a “gringo” because he doesn’t understand why, using his words, “someone would want to know that Spanish stuff.” I’m not a “gringo” because I understand and speak Spanish and, to an extent, the reality that Spanish speakers here in the US face. Because of that, I am no longer “gringo.”
I’m not sure what the correct term would be for people like me that take the time and effort to learn another language. I tend to use estado unidense, but since that is literally a United Statian, it sounds a little weird (even in Spanish, but more so in English). I guess that titlewise, I am pretty close to the same situation as I find myself emotionally and intellectually. I can no longer comprehend a lot of the thinking of what seems like the majority of my compatriots, and so, I am not overally accepted by them. At the same time, because of my very northern European looks and the fact that I was born in this country, I am not entirely accpeted by Latinos either. In a lot of ways, I feel similar to how immigrants to this country describe themselves after spending a few years acculturating themselves to the US. I don’t fit in any longer with those from my native country and am not totally accepted within the other culture either. The only difference is that the “other” culture came to my country instead of me going to another one.
This story, though, isn’t as much about how I am today, but rather a reflection about how I got to where I am. I’ve tried to be as accurate as I can with all of the events that seemed important in my redevelopment, but of course, some of those events were a quarter of a century ago, and I am far from perfect. In most cases, I’ve tried to double check accuracy with the others that were involved, but usually they have tended to not remember what happened until I remind them (obviously whatever happened had a much bigger impact on me). There are a few instances where I have changed names to protect the innocent and those not so innocent, but most of what is included within these pages is as accurate a reflection of the important changes in my life and my way of thinking as I can hope to get.
I tend to give credit (or blame depending on how I feel) to my wife when people ask or when I myself reflect about my thinking these days. It was because of her that I began to see reality from a perspective of an immigrant to the United States. It was because of her that I began to learn and became proficient in Spanish. It was because of her that I began to question a lot of the beliefs that I used to hold. I guess that you could say that she is what changed me for the better or for the worse. There were a lot of other people that influenced changes that I went through during the past 25 years, most of which I’ve included in these pages, but the catalyst and the continued drive behind making me who I am today is definitely my wife. She was the one who woke me up, if you will, to realities that I had no way of ever seeing, let alone ever comprehending.
Maria was the one that got me to a point where I define terms in Spanish slightly different than most native speakers. For most Latinos, the term “gringo” refers primarily to any non-Latino from the US, even though it can refer to Europeans that don’t speak Spanish as well. It is usually used prejoratively. I like to give a slightly different twist to the term while keeping a similar meaning. To me, a “gringo” is the same as the normal definition, but on top of that, refuses to learn or comprehend another language. My father is a “gringo” because he doesn’t understand why, using his words, “someone would want to know that Spanish stuff.” I’m not a “gringo” because I understand and speak Spanish and, to an extent, the reality that Spanish speakers here in the US face. Because of that, I am no longer “gringo.”
I’m not sure what the correct term would be for people like me that take the time and effort to learn another language. I tend to use estado unidense, but since that is literally a United Statian, it sounds a little weird (even in Spanish, but more so in English). I guess that titlewise, I am pretty close to the same situation as I find myself emotionally and intellectually. I can no longer comprehend a lot of the thinking of what seems like the majority of my compatriots, and so, I am not overally accepted by them. At the same time, because of my very northern European looks and the fact that I was born in this country, I am not entirely accpeted by Latinos either. In a lot of ways, I feel similar to how immigrants to this country describe themselves after spending a few years acculturating themselves to the US. I don’t fit in any longer with those from my native country and am not totally accepted within the other culture either. The only difference is that the “other” culture came to my country instead of me going to another one.
This story, though, isn’t as much about how I am today, but rather a reflection about how I got to where I am. I’ve tried to be as accurate as I can with all of the events that seemed important in my redevelopment, but of course, some of those events were a quarter of a century ago, and I am far from perfect. In most cases, I’ve tried to double check accuracy with the others that were involved, but usually they have tended to not remember what happened until I remind them (obviously whatever happened had a much bigger impact on me). There are a few instances where I have changed names to protect the innocent and those not so innocent, but most of what is included within these pages is as accurate a reflection of the important changes in my life and my way of thinking as I can hope to get.
posted by Richard Braun | 8:14 PM
2 Comments:
I enjoyed your No Longer Gringo story...but disagree that you are no longer a gringo. I speak Spanish fluently, translate it for a living, but because I am Anglo I am forever a Gringa. I lived in Spain and Mexico and married a Mexican-American man. I too live in the Central Valley.
It doesn't matter that when I go to Mexico I am often mistaken for a native speaker, or that I am very familiar with Mexican culture, slang, pop culture, history, etc. When a native Spanish speaker (Latino/Latina) finds out I learned Spanish as a Second Language, I am still, and always will be, a Gringa. Even if inside, I don't really identify with being Gringa. I think it's more than language---it's where you are from and what your ethnicity is. I sometimes jokingly ask my husband if he'll bestow an "Honorary Mexican" title on me because I speak and read Spanish better than he does and have spent the past 25 years helping the Spanish speaking community. No such luck! While he was toiling in the fields as a kid, I was riding my bicycle, or my horse. I wish it were different, but all of my experiences have proven that I am a Gringa, now and forever.
Read Chapter 14
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