Chapter 8: Too Close for Comfort
Living as a family became part of my new routine. Now, not only was I living with María, but also with Ximena and Giancarlos. María and I continued to study, pretty much full time, and work while Giancarlos attended the university’s child care center. Luckily, the center had one of the best programs in the country. People came from across the country to observe it and how it was run. We didn’t have to worry at all about leaving Giancarlos there.
It was while there that we began to talk with other students that had children. Most of the others were graduate students, but there were a few, like us, still undergraduates. Quite a few of them talked about all of the advantages that they had living in the University Village. The Village was a group of apartments owned by the university that they rented out to married students. It was a great situation for students that were married. They had access to inexpensive housing where all of their neighbors were also students with families. It was ideal for us, only that we had no idea that something like that existed.
After talking with quite a few different people about the advantages of living in the Village, we decided that it was time to check it out. We took a short drive to the small town of Albany, just north of Berkeley and looked at the apartments. They were definitely not the most modern apartments. I think that they were army surplus building left over from the second world war. The university had a lot of similar buildings on campus that they still used as “temporary” building 40 years after the end of the war. The ones in the Village were two-story, with one and two bedroom apartments on each floor. Each of the residents had access to their apartment, to the Village garden where residents grew different fruits and vegetables, to the community center which included a gymnasium, and, most important, to the child care center right there in the Village. On top of all of those advantages, rent was VERY inexpensive. As compared to the $610 per month that we were paying living in Oakland (still, a good deal), rent in the Village was only $340 for a two bedroom apartment AND INCLUDED all of the utilities (water, electricity and gas). We decided that we would be crazy to pass up the opportunity.
So, here we went again: packing and loading. I made sure that Ximena was present this time. There was no way that I was going to move all of her stuff again for her. In all of the discussions about the new place and all of the advantages, I began to overhear talk about Iris and Sonia moving to the Bay Area to be closer to us and to Giancarlos. That didn’t seem like a bad idea at all at the time. Having María’s family close to us would have a lot of positives for us, baby-sitting, closer drives to visit, baby-sitting, lower phone bills and even baby-sitting. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that moving them to the Bay Area involved moving them in with us.
Yes, before I knew what was happening I was in Modesto helping to pack up Iris’ house, so that she and Sonia could move in with us at a relatively small two bedroom apartment. Yes, that would mean 5 adults and one child would be living within the confines of that small two bedroom apartment. If nothing else, this was going to be a great way for me to really learn what it was like to live within a Latino family.
I had thought that packing up Ximena was problematic, but it turned out that packing Iris was much more . . . . how should I put it . . . . uh, . . . delicate. Like Ximena, Iris had waited until the very last moment to start packing, the day before we were driving her things to Albany. On top of that, some of the manner of packing, especially for someone, like me, who had moved repeatedly in my lifetime, left a lot to be desired in regards to organization. Many of the boxes that she and Sonia had already packed, had things sticking out of the top so that they were impossible to close and stack and more impossible to load into the truck.
In addition to that, while packing up different areas in her house, I kept coming across things that appeared to me to be garbage: tubes of toothpaste that had been apparently completely used, cut open and scraped out; make-up that appeared to be older than María and I; containers from some unrecognizable material that no one used anymore; and I found at least 40 different, partially used bottles of different brands of shampoo. I did what I thought was right, putting all of that old and not used material into the garbage can. Iris waited until I went into the next room, and began taking of it out of the garbage can and placing within a box. When and why she would use any of those things, was beyond me, but she had come from a generation where absolutely, positively nothing was EVER thrown away. It all ended up being moved to Albany with us. It wouldn’t surprise me if she still has some of the same things, unused, now 20 some years later somewhere in a box somewhere within her house.
Somehow, we managed to make all of Iris’ stuff, all of Ximena’s stuff and all of ours fit within the confines of that Village apartment. Giancarlos was definitely within the ideal situation. Not only was he living with his parents, he was living with his two aunts and his grandmother. There were enough adults around him that, even if María and I were tired, there was still another around that could entertain him.
That was both good and bad. It was good in the sense that he grew up speaking Spanish as his first language while still comprehending English as well. He would always seem shy around new people, but it was because he always waited to see which language they were going to speak before interacting with them. We spoke only Spanish with him at home, so much that he did not know that we spoke English. After one of the parent conferences with the teachers at the child care, where she spoke entirely in English, he translated for us telling us, in Spanish, what she had just told us in English.
It was also advantageous in the sense that Giancarlos grew up with a very advanced vocabulary and manner of speaking. Many people said that talking with him was like talking with an old man instead of a child. This gave him a lot of advantages academically, but he was always a little behind socially for some of the same reasons.
One of the disadvantages to the situation was that there was always an adult there to “entertain” Giancarlos. He grew up with 5 adults ready to satisfy his every whim. 5 years later when his younger brother Nicolás was born was very rough on Giancarlos. He was no longer the center of attention, and he still, at times, seems to take out that resentment on Nico.
There were advantages and disadvantages for me and Maria as well. We never had to worry about getting baby-sitters, we had live in baby-sitters. At the same time, I always had the in-laws right there within the same apartment to change what I wanted in the household, to contradict something that I had told Giancarlos, to be right next door when I wanted to be romantic with María, to have their own dramas (as Ximena and Sonia tried to test their limits with Iris, with each other, and with us). It wasn’t exactly as I had planned for my life as a married man and father, but I can’t say that it was a negative experience.
Yes, there were inconveniences, but aren’t there plenty in any life? Yes, I would take away of few of the interactions that I had with Iris, Ximena and Sonia. Yes, I would have preferred to have lived within my own household. Yes, I needed more space a lot of the time. But, when I get down to weighing all of the advantages and disadvantages of that year living in the Village in a small two bedroom apartment with my mother-in-law and two sisters-in-law, I can’t say that I would change it for a moment. That time that we spent confined within small quarters is what made my son who he is today. On top of that, it added even that much more to my understanding of a life that is now my own.
It was while there that we began to talk with other students that had children. Most of the others were graduate students, but there were a few, like us, still undergraduates. Quite a few of them talked about all of the advantages that they had living in the University Village. The Village was a group of apartments owned by the university that they rented out to married students. It was a great situation for students that were married. They had access to inexpensive housing where all of their neighbors were also students with families. It was ideal for us, only that we had no idea that something like that existed.
After talking with quite a few different people about the advantages of living in the Village, we decided that it was time to check it out. We took a short drive to the small town of Albany, just north of Berkeley and looked at the apartments. They were definitely not the most modern apartments. I think that they were army surplus building left over from the second world war. The university had a lot of similar buildings on campus that they still used as “temporary” building 40 years after the end of the war. The ones in the Village were two-story, with one and two bedroom apartments on each floor. Each of the residents had access to their apartment, to the Village garden where residents grew different fruits and vegetables, to the community center which included a gymnasium, and, most important, to the child care center right there in the Village. On top of all of those advantages, rent was VERY inexpensive. As compared to the $610 per month that we were paying living in Oakland (still, a good deal), rent in the Village was only $340 for a two bedroom apartment AND INCLUDED all of the utilities (water, electricity and gas). We decided that we would be crazy to pass up the opportunity.
So, here we went again: packing and loading. I made sure that Ximena was present this time. There was no way that I was going to move all of her stuff again for her. In all of the discussions about the new place and all of the advantages, I began to overhear talk about Iris and Sonia moving to the Bay Area to be closer to us and to Giancarlos. That didn’t seem like a bad idea at all at the time. Having María’s family close to us would have a lot of positives for us, baby-sitting, closer drives to visit, baby-sitting, lower phone bills and even baby-sitting. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that moving them to the Bay Area involved moving them in with us.
Yes, before I knew what was happening I was in Modesto helping to pack up Iris’ house, so that she and Sonia could move in with us at a relatively small two bedroom apartment. Yes, that would mean 5 adults and one child would be living within the confines of that small two bedroom apartment. If nothing else, this was going to be a great way for me to really learn what it was like to live within a Latino family.
I had thought that packing up Ximena was problematic, but it turned out that packing Iris was much more . . . . how should I put it . . . . uh, . . . delicate. Like Ximena, Iris had waited until the very last moment to start packing, the day before we were driving her things to Albany. On top of that, some of the manner of packing, especially for someone, like me, who had moved repeatedly in my lifetime, left a lot to be desired in regards to organization. Many of the boxes that she and Sonia had already packed, had things sticking out of the top so that they were impossible to close and stack and more impossible to load into the truck.
In addition to that, while packing up different areas in her house, I kept coming across things that appeared to me to be garbage: tubes of toothpaste that had been apparently completely used, cut open and scraped out; make-up that appeared to be older than María and I; containers from some unrecognizable material that no one used anymore; and I found at least 40 different, partially used bottles of different brands of shampoo. I did what I thought was right, putting all of that old and not used material into the garbage can. Iris waited until I went into the next room, and began taking of it out of the garbage can and placing within a box. When and why she would use any of those things, was beyond me, but she had come from a generation where absolutely, positively nothing was EVER thrown away. It all ended up being moved to Albany with us. It wouldn’t surprise me if she still has some of the same things, unused, now 20 some years later somewhere in a box somewhere within her house.
Somehow, we managed to make all of Iris’ stuff, all of Ximena’s stuff and all of ours fit within the confines of that Village apartment. Giancarlos was definitely within the ideal situation. Not only was he living with his parents, he was living with his two aunts and his grandmother. There were enough adults around him that, even if María and I were tired, there was still another around that could entertain him.
That was both good and bad. It was good in the sense that he grew up speaking Spanish as his first language while still comprehending English as well. He would always seem shy around new people, but it was because he always waited to see which language they were going to speak before interacting with them. We spoke only Spanish with him at home, so much that he did not know that we spoke English. After one of the parent conferences with the teachers at the child care, where she spoke entirely in English, he translated for us telling us, in Spanish, what she had just told us in English.
It was also advantageous in the sense that Giancarlos grew up with a very advanced vocabulary and manner of speaking. Many people said that talking with him was like talking with an old man instead of a child. This gave him a lot of advantages academically, but he was always a little behind socially for some of the same reasons.
One of the disadvantages to the situation was that there was always an adult there to “entertain” Giancarlos. He grew up with 5 adults ready to satisfy his every whim. 5 years later when his younger brother Nicolás was born was very rough on Giancarlos. He was no longer the center of attention, and he still, at times, seems to take out that resentment on Nico.
There were advantages and disadvantages for me and Maria as well. We never had to worry about getting baby-sitters, we had live in baby-sitters. At the same time, I always had the in-laws right there within the same apartment to change what I wanted in the household, to contradict something that I had told Giancarlos, to be right next door when I wanted to be romantic with María, to have their own dramas (as Ximena and Sonia tried to test their limits with Iris, with each other, and with us). It wasn’t exactly as I had planned for my life as a married man and father, but I can’t say that it was a negative experience.
Yes, there were inconveniences, but aren’t there plenty in any life? Yes, I would take away of few of the interactions that I had with Iris, Ximena and Sonia. Yes, I would have preferred to have lived within my own household. Yes, I needed more space a lot of the time. But, when I get down to weighing all of the advantages and disadvantages of that year living in the Village in a small two bedroom apartment with my mother-in-law and two sisters-in-law, I can’t say that I would change it for a moment. That time that we spent confined within small quarters is what made my son who he is today. On top of that, it added even that much more to my understanding of a life that is now my own.
posted by Richard Braun | 4:39 PM
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